today i feel: sickeningly reminiscent
today i'm hearing: oogie and wampus chirping in their cage
today i'm thinking: i need a hobby or something
today i'm hearing: oogie and wampus chirping in their cage
today i'm thinking: i need a hobby or something
Today I'm pondering why it is that so many people I my age are either a.) just married/about to be married, b.) engaged, or c.) very close to being engaged. I think of it this way: I'm nineteen, going on twenty in just a couple of months. I have had few relationships, only one or two of which meant anything in the long run, at least so far as 'changing my life' and/or my perspective on romance goes. I have no prospects for anyone who could be some sort of romantic partner for the rest of the summer, let alone the rest of my life. I'm two years into university. I have no plans and few goals for the future. I have no plans or goals for the day. And I've been told that I'm incredibly mature for my age!
Yet here are people mere months older than I am, people I met my freshman year of high school or later, who are tying the knot fresh out of high school, making plans for the remainder of their time on this planet. Not even waiting to graduate or waiting for something substantial to come their way. They're just...doing it. Keep in mind: I'm not talking right now about getting/being engaged. I'm talking about getting married. Husband and wife. Cake and flowers and itchy dresses and everything. I'm talking about unfailing permanence.
I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong or what. But that? Getting married? Getting married now? That scares the ever-living piss out of me.
I'm going back to hang with the Barksdale crew. This Real Life nonsense is getting to me.
3 comments:
dude. i so know what you mean. try going to a christian college. if you're not married or engaged by the time you finish your senior year, people look at (and talk to) you like you've got the damn plague. after martin and i broke up, someone actually said, "oh my goooosh! you must be, like, so disappointed! don't you feel like you're kind of, like, going backward?"
yeah. if it wasn't so funny, i'd be like, totally, bummed about it. :) ha.
Kiri as my mom says, "Some people go to college to get their M.R.S. That is their only goal of going to college. Not getting a job or having a future career. And for some people they are perfectly happy doing that. But you are not one of those people. And I agree with you. Getting married this suddenly is not such a good idea. But hell, it's their life. Let them do what they want and just be there to help them pick up the pieces if it falls apart.
It's biology at work. The central core of sexual need is reproductive. This is joined with insecurity to push people to what was called in my youth "the permanent Saturday night date." Make no mistake: sex is so powerful that it can even make people make the sad and terrible decision to spend years with someone they don't actually know. Later on you will find out that people you know lived with someone who abused and did violence to them for years and years because they made this initial error.
Hey, I married at 19 (we were pregnant), and divorced at 22. I did get Joel out of it, and he is remarkable and the father of my grandchild. But that relationship was very hard. Not good for me at all.
Loneliness drives people to do sad things. And sex drives them to make great errors. Believe in yourself and know that there are many years in front of you. Take chances, but be willing to learn from you mistakes. And don't close doors just because everyone else is.
It is sort of like the fifties all over again. I think that that is because of AIDS and the xtian right. Boys who are afraid of having short dicks truly desire girls who haven't had anybody else to compare them with.
Well, you get the idea(s). I hope you are well. Tim, babbling as usual.
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