and, once again, the cat freaks out

today i feel: angsty
today i'm hearing: the humidifier saving my lungs
today i'm thinking: life's gross. and stuff.

It's been a helluva week. Let me say.

Today, I went to the doctor's office in a vain attempt to figure out what is (still) wrong with my ears. Apparently, the answer is nothing. My ears are fine. The shooting pains and constant frustration are of unknown origin. The doctor (my *sixth* doctor in this whole business, just for the record) thinks that I may possibly be grinding my teeth maybe. And I should go see a dentist. Maybe. I think he was running behind; he was kind of in a hurry.

This will never, ever end.

In the meantime, I'm wiling away the hours, hoping against hope that someone in the greater Bloomington-Normal area will be willing to hire me to work for them. Apparently, everyone is either a.) done hiring for the summer or 2.) happily rekindling the bonds of those who only work in the summer (college suckers like me. Except employed). This is called a Vicious Cycle. It is also called an Upcoming Fight With My Mother, as this would not be occurring had I stayed in Carbondale as I desired. Because then I would have a job. I would probably be stage managing. Or working in electrics. Either looks incredibly pleasant right now.

So right now, my life is spent watching Cold Case Files re-runs, failing at crossword puzzles, reading David Simon (SOOO GOOD!!) and smelling dog farts on an hourly basis. It's also filled with facial expressions like this:





I forget, sometimes, the effect BTown has on people.

And I'm missing people. Because I am silly. And sentimental. And the new apartment in Chicago is just so fuckin' cool. I'm trying to rekindle some old friendships at the same time. I'm hoping to be spending a lot more time with people I was close to in high school who are still around and awesome. I'm seeing Stacy tonight for some sort of 'dinner party' (scary?) and I hope to hang out with Liesl this weekend or early part of next week. Hopefully. Planning...

And then there's heading back up to Chicago as often as I can. Paige and I had a good time this Monday and Tuesday, despite circumstances, and it was lovely to see her and kind of traumatising to go back home. I'm living in that place that Tony warned me about where home doesn't really feel like home anymore. It's weird and kind of scary. I don't know if I like it.

I'm beginning to whole-heartedly believe that adulthood sucks. I'm even more convinced that whatever higher power is thrusting me and all of my friends in my age-bracket neck-deep into it about ten years earlier than we're supposed to be. This is called Cosmic Betrayal.

I shouldn't have taken that nap at six o'clock pm...