first drunk post: be warned

today i feel: drunk
today i'm hearing: everything in the entire world
today i'm thinking: wow. just...wow.

I realised all of the sudden that I've never posted drunk before and I feel that this is an experience everyone should have, mostly for the mortification that reigns afterwards. And I know I posted once today, but then rehearsal was really shitty and I conned Randy into buying me a bottle of Riesling and I kind of drank all of it and now I don't really understand things like consequences so here I am, posting intoxicated and it's really hard to focus on the text without my left eye drooping out of focus all of a sudden.

I apologise for any typos.

My friend Lisa decided to drive me back from the party because Randy isn't ready to go home and I have to go in and set up for rehearsal tomorrow. She had a very valid point. But we were driving back and I realised all of a sudden why it is that driving drunk is dangerous. I've always known that it is, but I've never really understood why. And then the lights were bending at me and the other cars were swerving into our lane even though they weren't and I was kind of freaking out, you know? And I realised that it was a really good thing I wasn't driving because we would've died. And that was kind of a good feeling but I don't know why.

Sorry. Everything's out of focus right now and it's either too hot or too cold and I need to go to bed but I need to drink some water first so I don't wake up hung over tomorrow. I can't. I have rehearsal to set up for and all of the actors and Segun to deal with and I need sleep but I need to get some water in me first.

Randy and I are having a lot of problems right now. He's scared; he's really scared. And it makes a lot of sense why, if you consider all of the shit he's been through and stuff. But I'm not scared. Or maybe I am and I just don't realise it. I just know that I like him a lot and I need to be with him and I'll deal with stuff and figure it out and it'll be okay, you know? It'll be okay. He just doesn't have that kind of faith. So we're having a lot of problems. And last night we kind of broke up but we didn't and it was weird. Because we want to be together, we just don't want all the pressure and the 'facebook official' shit, we just want to be together and see Wes Anderson movies together and laugh and talk and have that be that is that okay? Fuck it, I don't care, that's what we want and we're going to find ways to get it. I just love him, you know? I love him a lot and I want this to be great as long as it can be. And I know he's leaving soon. And I know he'll probably forget about me. But for now, I want to be with him and be happy with him and fuck facebook there are more important things. You know? Yeah. You know.

I'm sorry. I'm drunk. But you probably all-ready knew that from looking at this.

I hate how when you're drunk, your tongue sticks to your teeth. Does that happen to anyone else, or is it just me? I can taste blood in the back of my throat and I'm not sure why. I just wish he was here. I wish I was curled up with him and sleepy and safe because I know he'll keep me safe, he just can't right now. Man, I wonder what that's like. I don't know if I understand it in any way. I mean, I like him so I'll stick around. That's how I roll. Fuck, I'm tired. I've got the room spins and I'm not even lying down.

Fuck. It's hard to use a mouse right now. Time to brush the teeth and go to bed.