it doesn't mean that you're sad

today i feel: numb and goosepimply
today i'm hearing: everclear -- so much for the afterglow
today i'm thinking: let's rewind a bit, please

I don't want to go to any of my theatre classes. I don't want to go to the Hallowe'en party tonight. I don't really want to see anyone I know (with a couple of exceptions). And I know that that's going to be construed as me being sad. And I am sad, but that's not why I don't want to see anyone. I just...kind of want to be alone. I want to curl up in bed where it's not cold or rainy with my jimmy-jams and Harper Lee and just...be. Just forget about Carbondale and all of my shit and go back to Maycomb where things aren't easier, they're just more engaging. Can I do that? Please?

I've decided I hate my generation as a whole. I'm sure this is something I've talked about before; it kind of constantly wears on my mind. But it's becoming more frustrating every day. It's like Kurt Cobain died and our culture got completely fucked. Our mobile phones start acting wonky and the day's shot to Hell; we can't survive without an automobile; you're not really 'with someone' unless it's on fucking Facebook. I mean, what the fuck? Were people always so goddamn trivial? Everything is dramatic even when--especially when--it's transient and no one knows how to leave other people the hell alone. Maybe I don't want to talk about shit with you, you know? Maybe I do just want to read all day and go to rehearsal and go home to watch, I don't know, Deadman or something. Maybe I just want to have a second by myself where I can figure out what's going on. Is that so hard to believe?

I'm sure my shrink's going to have something intelligent-sounding and pointless to say about this on Monday. Great.