off the sidewalks of this town

today i feel: weirded-out
today i'm hearing: the hold steady--your little hoodrat friend
today i'm thinking: some things never change. but that's okay, too.

L'shanah tovah!

I've decided to have faith in the human race again. It kind of came over me all at once, but I'm okay with that, I think. I went for a walk with Randy the other night and told him about those kids I wrote about last time. And it was nice to talk about it and have someone else acknowledge that this sort of thing is as irritating as I think it is (and it helped to hear from Asbjorn and Chelsea, too. ^_^). But I got a little more of it out of my system and things started looking up. Which is good. It's better to look up, I think. You might trip, but at least you can see the stars.

I went and hung around with Tony yesterday afternoon: first time since summer, really. I'd decided a while ago that if I could only make amends with one person for Rosh Hashana, it would be him. We didn't have a falling out or anything, but something wasn't right and I think we both knew that. So we drove around a bit and talked and had dinner and I bought him a drink and it was good, you know? It was really good. He's got a lot to sort out, that one. And I'm glad I'm not the one who has to sort it for him. I'm really, really glad about that.

See? Progress can be good.

I spent the evening with Randy: just the two of us. And it was really nice. We watched The Shield and we read for a while and we went to bed and it was just nice and quiet and silly and I have a feeling that I'm far too fond of him. But there's no sin in happiness and I'm happy right now. And I'll take that, thank you. It's a nice change of pace.

The Shrink told me that I was in an abusive relationship last semester. I think she might be on to something there.

I'm going home this weekend. People keep telling me I need the break. I think it'll be okay, but I'm still worried something will happen. My grandmother's Alzheimer's is getting worse: she keeps talking about going to work and taking trips to Texas and things like that. It's scary. I know we're having lunch with them on Sunday and I'm not looking forward to it. Sometimes I really do hope that I die young, but I know it's selfish. I'm just scared of being old.

I'll be in town through Monday afternoon, so if you need anything you can give me a call. I don't know how available I'll be, but we might be able to work something out. I think this weekend will mainly be for my family and Chritie (because I never flipping see her), but we'll see how it goes. Hope all of you are well.