you painted flowers on it

today i feel: strange
today i'm hearing: chris bell -- i am the cosmos
today i'm thinking: two crazy dreams in two nights = unhealthy

Yes, I know I'm a spazz. But I missed all of the old comments. Thus, we return to the former blog with our good friend haloscan. Hail, Malthus.


Here is a list of things I could (and likely should) be doing right now:
1. work on music, seeing how I completely botched it at my lesson today.
2. repunch my script so that I can actually write in it.
3. read some Chekov.
4. work on German.
5. work on that bloody play.

Here are my lame excuses for why I'm not doing any of those things:
1. my ego has all-ready suffered from today's lesson. and I don't have a key to the practise rooms.
2. the hole-puncher I have sucks a lot of ass.
3. everything in Russia is sad.
4. I don't have to do it, so I'm not.
5. I 'can't' work on it alone.


Coincidentally, these are all wonderful examples as to why I will inevitably end up doing absolutely nothing with my life. And yet.

I had a revelation in the shower this morning (the only place and time I ever have revelations ever. Last time, I decided to solve all of my relationship problems by marrying Bozarth). I got a call from a friend of mine (no one that any of you actually know. You might've heard of her, though; I refer to her as 'Miss Thankgodyouliveinohio') about how she has discovered that the girl that she likes/loves has gotten out of her former current relationship and still has feelings for her. Well, cool. Have fun with that. The question, however, that was posed to me was, 'What should I do'.

...What??

I gave her the sage advice of call-her-and-tell-all-the-fundamentalists-to-fuck-themselves (which is my usual advice in this sort of situation), and began to ponder this. I have made the conclusion oftentimes in my life that I give pretty happening advice when it comes to relationships. I believe this is because my advice is so simple and blunt. You like her? She likes you? There are little-to-no extenuating circumstances? What are you waiting for? Go copulate! She's a schmuck? You don't like it? She's not dying of cancer? Why are you holding out? Dump her!

Now, these are both very obvious solutions to me. That is why I pass them out like candy. Tasty, tasty candy. I feel as though I have led very few people astray with this information. When I don't have the full picture then, yes, it gets a bit gritty. But Oedipus has proven to us that misinformation is the most dangerous instrument we know. So there. So this morning, in the shower, where all good revelations occur, I came to the conclusion that a good career path for me when I finally decide to grow up would be as a marital/relationship counsellor. Then I decided that that is a terrible idea because counsellors aren't allowed to tell you what to do. And, in a lot of situations, that's exactly what needs to happen. So, instead, I think I will be a marital/relationship advisor. You know, how to start a relationship, how to end it, how to cope in it, things like that. I think I would be pretty good at that sort of thing. Of course, this is ignoring the fact that I have no skill whatsoever in my own relationships, but I'm comfortable with living vicariously through other people's happiness while Paige lives vicariously through the soap opera that is often my life. Yet another reason why I will never do anything productive with my life.

Look, Ma! No pants!