you don't need my help anymore

today i feel: emotastic
today i'm hearing: the washing machine
today i'm thinking: there's too much bullshit

I'm feeling rather emo all of a sudden. Not sad, not melancholy, not depressed. Emo. Like writing lyrics on the myspace emo. Listening to Dashboard Confessional emo. Slitting the wrong way emo. There's no dignity at all in this emotion: I'm just being emo. And, more likely than not, this will go away in about... forty-five minutes and I'll feel like a chach for writing about it, but in the meantime, I'm going to write about it. I love creating embarrassments for my future self.

So here is what I'm thinking about today: LYING.

Lying is an interesting thing to me. I lie, you lie, we all lie. When you're a kid (as I discovered yesterday evening), lying is an automatic sign of evilness, of wrongdoings. Being called a liar (or, in the case of yesterday evening, a 'fibber') is a definite stint on your personal honour. Lying is not okay. This is probably why there are such adages as 'liar, liar, pants on fire'. Lying is a definite no-no. But as we get older, lying becomes much more acceptable. Everyone lies. Lying is how you get out of tardy slips, getting fired, or being grounded. Lying is a pretty cool deal. I don't know what this says about American society.

But I think there are some lies that just shouldn't be allowed. Lies that should always, always, always be a no-no. And one of those lies is the lie of friendship.

I feel like what I consider to be one of my best friends is lying about being my friend. (Again, it's not someone who reads this blog, so don't freak out, dear reader.) I'm feeling like all of those 'we'll always be friends's and 'let's never lose touch'es are all coming up for shit. The few moments of contact I do grab with this person are almost always distracted and rushed. And that fucking sucks. And maybe it's just a distance thing and we need to make the adjustment, I don't know. Maybe it'll get better when we're living closer together. But right now? I'm feeling very used.

Like I said: LYRICS UP ON MY MYSPACE.

My mum needs to calm the fuck down. This is very simple: if you continue to watch this movie/that episode/this rerun of Top Chef, all will be explained. Now sit down, open your eyes, and don't talk unless you're going to say something funny. Or I will stab you in the eye. Not really. I love my mother very much. She just needs to calm the fuck down.

...It's been a long day. Or, rather, a long since-four-thirty-this-afternoon. The day was fine (and pretty awesome) before that. I don't know what happened.

I'm going to pop Page France into my car stereo and go watch Wire and Alfred Hitchcock Presents with Erik. Emoness can suck it.