they have the family disease

today i feel: winded
today i'm hearing: marcy playground--poppies
today i'm thinking: can you be depressed when nothing is wrong?

I'm off to my last class in about an hour. It's the only one I haven't been too late, and I'm really hoping I'll get out early. Not likely, of course, because it's an Honours course and those guys can be kind of snobby when you imply that you have more pressing concerns than their class, but what can you do? The head of Major Scholarships had a meeting with me today. I told her I was going to Yale. There is little-to-no truth in this statement. I was hoping it would get her off my case, but she's still pushing me to be in this ridiculous interview class which I have no interest in at all (not my cup of tea, okay?). Unfortunately, she's been sicking FriendSteve on me, too. And I don't want to upset him. I only have so many friends (Hallo, Friends!). But I got out of there in ten minutes, so I'll take the small win with pride. Da told me to hide from her. I think this is absolutely brilliant advice.

The lake smells like death. Like milky, rotting death. Every time I walk past it, I seriously consider vomitting.

I've been feeling really strange lately. I don't know if it's the start-of-school blues or what, but I've been feeling really off. Kind of since I froze up at my shrink appointment on Monday. I don't know. Maybe those things really do have more impact than I admit. Maybe I'm just dumb. I look at things as they are right now and I think, This is a good place to be. I'm keeping myself occupied, I'm in a good relationship, I have amazing friends. But...I'm still upset about something. No idea what it is, but something's definitely not fitting in where it's supposed to be.

Maybe I'm just reading too much Nick Hornby. That's usually my break-up book, not my omgcuteness book. I NEED TO BALANCE THESE THINGS BETTER. I will make a note. These lessons must be learned.

Someday I will learn that there is little to no point in taking a shower during August in Illinois. Gross.