MRPH!!!

today i feel: frustrated
today i'm hearing: the buttons chatting
today i'm thinking: people=dumm

You know what, my aunt did make me a Red Velvet cake for Chrismukkah. And I did bring some of it back with me. And I am going to eat an entire piece of it right now despite all the shit I've eaten today and, you know what?? I'm going to like it! *grumbles about the buttons and their strange ideas of 'calories' and 'weight watching' and and and 'health'*

I'm frustrated by people tonight. People frustrate me. I do not know why I'm so frustrated by people this evening, but I am. People can suck it. So there.

Let's explore this, shall we?

I've been feeling really edgy recently. I think this is because my sends of impending doom finally went away without any really extreme doom occuring. I mean, there was some doom, a wee bit of doom, if you will, but none of the really doomy doom that usually comes about from my impending senses of doom. This means that I'm still expecting some hunk-a-hunk of burning doom over here. Not healthy, I know, but definitely occuring. So there's one possibility. Let's call it The Doom Theory.

Next is the factor of tech week. Top Dog actually opened tonight, but I'm not used to these freak let's-open-on-a-weeknight shows yet (weeknights not including Thursday or Friday), so I'm still in tech week mode. And techs where I'm not really doing anything but still have to be there make me really edgy. It's the I've-been-inside-too-long feeling. I get fidgety. At the same time, I'm in a situation where I'm around people in a psuedo-business environment. Now that's fine, I can dig it. Doesn't do well for me to be fidgety in a business environment, but what the hey. And I really like almost everyone I'm working with. I really do. But there's just that one person (and a couple of you might know who this is; one of you definitely does) who is just such a pompous asswipe that being around them for two hours and having to play nice just sets me in that mood. You know. That one.

Last night, I came back to my room ready to spend time with three possible people and, at the most, only two of them at a time. I had forgotten that I promised to tutor a friend of mine in German. I had forgotten that Clarky's roommate and his girlfriend tend to get jiggy wit it at odd hours of the evening and that he has a tendency to find refuge in our room. I had never realised that this refuge involved hiding in my cubby (which no one goes in without me all-ready in there, and even then I'm incredibly wary about who it is) and making secretive phone calls. I almost flipped a shit. I don't know why I almost flipped a shit because I really like all of these people. I do. I really, really do. But I just...I was hoping for something quiet. I was hoping to chill out and read some Sidney Poitier and maybe go cook something for a little while and go to bed really unwound, but in a good way. I didn't go to bed unwound last night. I went to bed uptight and fidgety. This brings me to my next point.

I've been sleeping very strangely this week. I mean, I'm sleeping. That's cool, it's happening. But I'm not really sleeping through the night like I usually do. And this isn't because of random late night phone calls/adventures. Those don't really affect my sleeping except that when I go to bed following a late night phone call/adventure I actually, you know, sleep. I don't know. It freaks me out when I can't sleep. It's also bad because, as Marion will tell you, I turn into a furnace at night. This is fine (for me), so long as I sleep through the entire night. If I don't, and I wake up in the middle of the night, I'm really sweaty because my body hasn't cooled down yet but coming out of my sleep cycle in the middle of the night for no good reason sets me sweating. I think. I should get a sleep study done some time. It also might be because I have night terrors or something; get scared in my dream; sweat; something. I'm typing out of my ass. I just keep feeling really tired. I take a nap, wake up, am absolutely golden for a couple of hours, then I crash again. It's...really weird. I don't like it.

I'm also not really eating right now. I don't have the time. It's frustrating and I promise that I'm not anorexic or doing it on purpose or anything. I just don't have the time. It's discouraging. I don't like it.

Jisus. I hate it when I get angsty after I've just got done telling someone that I haven't been getting angsty recently. Seems so counterintuitive. And annoying. ...Yeah.