you meant all the world to me

today i feel: somewhat confused and comically tired
today i'm hearing: jamie cullum -- twentysomething
today i'm thinking: that it needs to be next week right. now.

I had to get a tour today to a bunch of snotty high school students. It was, naturally, ASS COLD and all they could do is complain that we had to walk outside. ...On a walking tour. ...Of a college campus. ...So they could see the buildings. And all I could think was, 'Children, you are from Murphysboro. You are not all that and a bag of crisps.' I mean, nothing against Murphysboro, but these were not happenin' cats, you know what I'm saying? I come from Normal, for God's sake. I'm cooler than these guys.

Oh that's right. I went there.

It's a pretty quiet afternoon here in Car-bon-duh-lay. Chelsea spent most of the afternoon sleeping and I'm slowly devouring the last of the Great Value Crackles because it's too dismally cold to go outside. Down-the-Hall Matt's off doing whatever it is he does, the Tummy Implaer is on the phone with his not-really-girlfriend-but-maybe-girlfriend in Washington, and Clarky is off killing people. It's kind of nice. This sort of thing doesn't happen very often, so I'm indulging myself in jazz and boy!love.

Mmm mmm. Sweet boy!love.

I've recently found myself immersed in a rather seedy love triangle/square. I think it's only a triangle, but Clarky seems to think it's a square. He hasn't given any evidence for this, but I'm craving just enough of an ego boost to be willing to consider the possibility. It started out all well and good and I was knowledgeable about the triansquare and on its outskirts and that was fine. But now I've found myself to be the spontaneous confidant of two of the three points and pushed further into the triangle and it's really rather exciting in a dime-novel kind of way, but incredibly troubling. I see what's happening so clearly and it makes perfect sense. It does. But neither of them can see it. I can't bring myself to understand that. It bothers me.

One thing I do have to admit, though: this particular triansquare is much more dynamic than my previous triangle and square experiences. It doesn't like to fester. Rather, new angst is added every day. It reminds me of every awkward romantic film I've ever seen. Well, the ones with plots, at least.

Tomorrow we put up Jenny Mac's directing scene. If anyone wants to take a road trip to Carbondale, I highly encourage it. I think it's going to be really, really good. I'm especially happy with the middle portion. It's been the hardest part for me: partially because of lines but also because there's so far that Claire has to go and it's hard for me to go there right now, it is. But Jenny's been brilliant and Tony is fantastic and it's really... It's beautiful. At least it feels beautiful. That's enough for me right now.

And once again I find myself required to venture forth into the icy wilderness of winter. This is not something I look forward to. I hope all of you are well and warm, or as warm as you can be. Although, winter does suck ass. Liek, a lot.