the days go by, but...

today i feel: kind of sad
today i'm hearing: semisonic -- this will be my year
today i'm thinking: why am i disecting the 'friends' theme??

I got really homesick all of the sudden, and I have no idea why. I just know that we were walking around Makanda and it was really nice and I didn't want to leave. Because Makanda isn't 'real', you know? It's all sun and trees and bluegrass bands and I don't have to think about things in Makanda. There, I can just be. I can just watch the children play in the creek and smell the food vendors and just enjoy the world I'm in. I don't have to worry about Chelsea getting upset at me or Randy leaving soon or my grandparents or whathaveyou and it's really, really nice. And I know that list was ecclectic and it's not even the stuff I was worrying about (well, some of it is), it's just what came to my head; but you get the picture.

I just kind of want to go home for a little while. I want to see Basti and my da and I want to grab lunch with Matt and maybe catch up a little. I'm worried about my brother right now and I want to make sure he's okay. I want to sit on the swings at Fairview and walk around Mr Liebenow's butterfly garden and be small and unafraid again. I guess my angst really is as superfluous as Marion says it is. But I'm not terribly inclined to care right now.

My grades aren't what they should be. And I'm so, so tired. And I know nothing bad will happen and it's not really a big deal, but I'm scared to get surgery. And I really don't know why. I thought having a schedule again would help--and it does--but it's not helping me stop piling shit on. And I really need to cut back on that.

There are so many good things in my life right now. So why do I keep feeling like everything's wrong?