i think we should disagree

today i feel: okay?
today i'm hearing: the proclaimers--5000 miles
today i'm thinking: feelings are weird

I desperately need to do laundry and am in the process of doing so right now. Because of this, I am wearing fuzzy blue socks. I am a real hep cat.

Stacy just left to head back home and life is back to normal (haha pun). It was good to see her, even if the Master Electrician from Hell did monopolise my weekend. But more on that later, maybe. We had some good times and some good talks and I wish I could've seen her more when I was actually conscious. Hopefully she won't hold that against me. Ah well. Someday I, too, will be nineteen and we can go 'clubbin'' or something and she won't be so terribly bored. Someday. Alas, it is a still-distant dream. She's pretty swell, Stacy. I'm going to miss her.

Now that we've finally gotten Thoroughly Modern Millie hung (the initial reason why MEfH monopolised my weekend), things down here in Carbondale should cool off a bit. We've got cue-to-cue today, which promises to be excrutiating, and start tech runs tomorrow. Once again, I find myself hanging out on the props table with ASM Jess. I think this is because I am the only tech/run crew member who has not been incessantly bitching about her. She's completely disorganised and kind of overbearing, so this complaint is completely understandable. But she hasn't really done anything to severely piss me off, so I'm keeping an air of polite indifference about her. This is appreciated by the entire crew, as they don't have to deal with her when I am. The Bandersnatch thanked me the other day for 'taking one for the team'. It was amusing.

Now MEfH on the other hand? That's becoming a problem.

For whatever reason (probably the fact that I keep missing work due to kidney infections, emergency room visits, etc.), I've become the scapegoat for much of his rage. Insert Jew joke here. It's becoming a fashion that every time something goes wrong, the fault falls upon me and MEfH launches upon an accusatory lecture about Effort and Team Morale and Blatant Disregard To Well-Explained Instructions. And despite the fact that he surpasses me in age by maybe two years, he has this terrible habit of treating me like his four-year-old daughter who just set the dog on fire.

Now, I understand that I'm not going to like everyone I have to work with. I'm not an idiot; really I'm not. And if I just didn't like him, it would be fine. I've worked with people I haven't liked and the results have been surprisingly undisasterous. Observe how the Bandersnatch is still alive and, might I add, kicking (and after several extensive therapy sessions, I can even be friendly with her. I know, right?). But MEfH's blatant and uncalled for cruelty (for that is what it's become) is completely uncalled for. I'm not about to pretend that I'm actually good at my job. I'm not doing it because I'm good at it; I'm doing it because I want to learn how to be better. I'm doing it in hopes that someday when I'm poor and starving, I can go work as an electrician and actually put groceries on the table and pay the rent. I'm doing it so that I'll be able to survive later and I don't have to work in some junky fast food joint in BTown all summer. I have never pretended to be good at what we're doing. But I do try. And I do work hard. And his suggestions that I slack off and don't care and mess up specifically to piss him off...they hurt. Okay? They're just mean. And they're mean without any reason. And maybe it's because I'm working so hard and trying my best and trying--desperately trying--to be a good support about it that his comments are bothering me so much. Or maybe it's just that he's treating me like I'm stupid when I'm damn sure I'm smarter than he is. And I'm good at things! I'm good at a lot of things! All he does is this. And play internet video games. Which are both fine things! But he could try to expand his repertoire a bit, you know? Especially before he goes and tells other people that they're completely untalented.

And that was a bonafide rant. And it's only Sunday.

I think I will spend my days off cleaning the house and reading Invisible Man. Maybe I'll try to write a bit, too. In the meantime, I've got to call ASM Jess and try to figure out when my call time is. Never a dull moment, eh? ...Or something like that.