last day of classes--freshman year

today i feel: sleepy
today i'm hearing: chelsea chatting with mama schroe
today i'm thinking: finals really aren't necessary? yeah, 'kay thanks.

I figure that I've had about twelve hours of sleep in the past week. Like, cumulative. And I'm really tired, but I'm too tired to actually go to bed. This, dear friends, is called masochism. That, and I need a distraction for a little while. And trying to go to sleep now would be a fruitless venture as Chelsea is still awake and active and Matt's bound to stumble in around three completely pissed. Which will lead me to be pissed, but 'pissed' as in angry and not completely sloshed. Thus, I blog. And it was good.

I'm really beginning to tire of the trivialities of young adulthood. This is supposed to be some great adventure, some remarkable transitionary time. We're not children anymore (or so they tell me), but we're still learning how to be adults. That should mean a lot of self-discovery and added responsibilities and things like that, right? This should be the time when we have to learn how to deal with really difficult things and decide what's truly important to us and things like that. Am I right? Or did I totally miss the real purpose of all this nonsense?

It really frustrates me that the only acceptable form of celebration for anything during the college years is to go out and get totally sloshed. Now, don't get me wrong; I have been known to enjoy the occasional drunken festivity or shared blunt and I won't pretend otherwise. But I don't understand how so many people can go out and get fucked up every single weekend. It just doesn't make sense to me! I see all these kids going out to the bars to celebrate their birthday or good test grade or whatever with the intention of getting completely smashed. Don't you want to remember things like that? When I turn twenty-one, yeah, I'm going to drink. I'll probably buy a six-pack of Mike's Hard or Guinness or maybe a really nice bottle of wine and have dinner with my friends, a small party, something like that. But I want to remember what that was like. I want to think that, wow, this is cool. The last step into adulthood in this stupid, fucked-up country. Now the real journey begins or whatever that means. That sounds cool. Sure, it's all downhill from there or whatever, but I like being optimistic about things and I'm hoping--hoping--that adulthood will be pretty groovy. Notably, I'm going to spend almost all of it starving, but starving can be cool. Can be. In the right light. Or...or something.

I guess it just bothers me when masses of people perpetuate stereotypes. Don't get me wrong; I think it's hilarious when one of my Asian friends gets really worried about their calculus grade, or when one of my bisexual friends acts really sluttily or anything like that. It makes my day. But when an entire campus of young adults constantly 'party', getting pissed off their rocker to dangerous levels all in the name of 'fun'? That bothers me. People wonder why so many parents are terrified of their kids being corrupted by collegiate academia. That's the fucking reason why! University can be a wonderful experience; it can! There are some really brilliant people that you get to meet, and so many things you can learn and discover, so many experiences you can take with you. And some of them are really, really pleasant and some of them hurt a lot. But you're learning, aren't you? You're growing as a person? People who come to uni with the deliberate intent of spending four years off their face are taking advantage of an extraordinary gift. Not everybody can go to college, you know. My da never finished college. He couldn't afford it. The fact that there are people here completely disregarding the pure intent of a learning community really frustrate me. I'm sorry if that makes me a prude.

We are so priveledged as a society, and yet we take advantage of the best things. That can't be right, can it? People used to see the US as a land of promise, somewhere to go to get away from all of the bullshit of whatever they were coming from. And now what are we? Our economy's in the shitter, our foreign affairs are hell, and we keep preaching 'diversity' while persecuting minorities of all varieties on an hourly basis. Why would anybody want to come to a place like this? Maybe it's a question of the 'lesser evil' or some shit like that. I don't know. Personally, I intend to run away first chance I get. Which will likely screw me over in the end, but I'm willing to accept that.

I really want to go to bed. Just not in my own bed. I've spent too much time in there not sleeping recently.