you know it won't heal right

today i feel: shitty
today i'm hearing: the weepies -- gotta have you
today i'm thinking: i would give anything for some acrylics and a canvas

I finished my reading for Stagecraft and now I can't remember what it was about. Platforms, I know that much. But I can't remember anything other than two-inch screws and diagonal braces. That's kind of irritating.

I've got to do a speech on John Wayne Gacy, Jr. in Speech tomorrow. I haven't finished my outline or works cited page. I haven't practised. That's on the agenda for tonight. Practising speech, finishing list of stuff for home, watching Over the Hedge, looking over my phonetics. Lots of fun, I know.

Chelsea's heading over to the Health Centre today to get the results of her throat culture. I think I've got pharyngitis again. Hopefully, that's all she has too. If not, it's definitely strep and so I have strep but won't treat it because I'm an idiot like that. Besides, I have to go to class tomorrow. I have a speech to do. Fuck you, illness. I have a life. Sort of.

I wrote the ending to Act I of this play I'm working on Sunday night. I've realised that my inspiration has shifted: not the character, the catalyst. The characters have changed. But someone I based a character on is now shifting to inspire the actions of another character. Which is scary when you look at the differences between these two characters. It's strange. Maybe they'll shift again and it won't scare me so much. But that doesn't seem to be happening quite yet.

I think once I officially finish the first act (and I'm pretty sure I'm almost there), I'm going to send it to Paige for her opinion. I really want this piece to be good. Desperately so. I feel like I'm turning into the main character, like my life is continuing only to bring him to life. Which is kind of interesting, really, except that my life is being coloured by him and his life is so sad that mine--that I--is even more depressing than one would initially assume it to be. In short, this play is making me very, very sad despite the fact that I've grown somewhat fond of it and very fond of the characters.

It's cold in my room.

I'm slightly terrified about going home this weekend. I'm going to get sad. I know I'm going to get sad. It's just what I do. I think to avoid this, I'm going to develop a very strict schedule and try to stick by it. That way, I won't have the option of going and doing something stupid that will throw me into depression. This is what I have so far.

Friday Night
19.00 -- get into Champaign
20.00 -- get into BTown; go check out rehearsal
21.00 -- get home; hang with Mum and Da
Saturday
09.00 -- wake up, at the latest
11.00 -- go hang with Mum; possibly shop?
12.00 -- lunch with Christie (yes?)
14.00 -- give Erik-san a call
18.00 -- steal M*Sak
19.00 -- Charley's Aunt
21.00 -- something with M*Sak? hanging with JPalm?
01.00 -- home
Sunday
10.00 -- wake up, at the latest
10.30 -- pack up
11.00 -- do something
16.30 -- head back to Champaign
18.15 -- train to Carbondale

...Or something like that.

I need to see my da this weekend. I need to ask him first what night is best for him to hang and that will really base my weekend. If I can't find anything to do Friday, I'll probably just go hang around with JPalm, have a few drinks, go home. That kind of thing. I'm just trying to stay busy so I don't get too sad. I know that being around Mum all of Sunday will probably bum me out. I know not seeing Matt will bum me out. I know seeing Matt will bum me out.

...I know I'll be bummed out. There. Broaden the spectrum.

I definitely need to go to Meijer or Wally World this weekend, though. I'm desperately in need of toothpaste and wellies are sounding like a phenomenal idea. I swear, I saw an ark yesterday on the way to Lawson. I'm not really packing anything, seeing how I need to bring back at least one coat, maybe two, and a helluva lot of jumpers. I'll probably just bring pants and socks, really. I can live through a weekend in one pair of jeans and I've got plenty of shirts at home. No worries. I'm actually thinking about starting to pack tonight, but I don't know if that's going to happen. Don't know if a lot of things are going to happen.

It's...one of those days. Oy. Wish it would rain again.