who's got angst? we've got angst

mood: irritable
music: "monarch of the glen" in the other room
CPCetc: cue eyebrow! *twitch twitch*

Despite the fact that this seems to be a daily occurrence as of late, I'm having a tiff with my parents. Why, you may ask, is this so? Well, apparently, not only am I irresponsible, inconsiderate, self-absorbed and a general nuisance to be living with, but I'm not Jewish enough for good ole' Mum and Da.

...

...

What the CRAP???

Firstly, let it be understood that I find it immensely difficult to discuss religion with anyone in person. As in face-to-face. As in with no fourth wall. As in seeing their reactions. Yes. That. So, REASON NUMBER ONE FOR NOT DISCUSSING THIS IS: personal comfort.

Secondly, my parents are Christian. They have always been Christian and they will always be Christian. Not only are they Christian, but they are Practising Christians and rather set in their ways. When my friends come over for supper, we pray. Nevermind the fact that almost all of my friends are Agnostic to Atheist and just don't dig on Jesus. So, REASON NUMBER TWO FOR NOT DISCUSSING THIS IS: the knowledge of their beliefs.

Thirdly, it's none of their business. No. I refuse to live in B-N for the rest of my life and my religion will likely never be a matter of their concern. If I do get married, I will not have a Jewish ceremony. I'm not going to get married to someone who's not Jewish and force them into a Jewish wedding: that's just rude. If I get drunk enough to spawn a child, I will not invite my parents to their circumcision. I would not embarrass a son thus. Obviously I won't Christen said spawn so, there again, is the lack of involvement in my religious life. I doubt I'll be Bat Mitzvahed, considering I'm past the age for such things. So when will this ever affect them? Never. That's when.

Oh, but it gets worse better.

It has been decided and voted upon by myself, my counsel and my significant other that I need to tell my parents about the whole mum-da-im-bisexual-and-snogging-a-girl thing.
REASONS THIS MUST BE DONE
1. lying to my parents is like crucifixion: long, tedious and someone always ends up dead or with their legs broken
2. seeing as my parents aren't nearly as stupid as I wish they were, they probably know about it to begin with and are being bitchy because I haven't fesseed up
3. sooner or later, it's going to come up and it's usually better to just say something than to have an American Pie-esque walking-in-on scene
4. this will allow me to have bait against them if they aren't kosher with it, seeing as they've been telling me my entire life to be my own person and they'll support me through it
5. though the immediate results aren't going to be remotely pleasant, at least it'll be out there and mum will stop hinting that I need to nab a hunk of manflesh

Here's the problem with this, though. Despite the fact that talking to my parents about anything is more difficult than pulling the molars out of an angry Nessie, I need to tell them this in the most diplomatic, non-snippy way possible. And I have no idea how to say this. I mean, I've developed a base for this. It goes--thus far--as follows:
Mum. Da. I need to tell you something really important. (waits for tellie to stop blaring, full attention, &c.) Mum, Da... (deep breath for obvious preparation) I'm bisexual and I'm with Marion. Yes, it's true. And I know that you may think I've been lying to you for the past two months, and I'm sorry for that. But this is who I am and I can't change it, even if I wanted to. And I do care about what you think and that you want to keep me safe and all, but I can't stop caring about her just because you don't approve. There. I've said it. That's all.
As you can see, it needs some definite work.

However, I know for a fact that one or both of them is going to make some smart-ass comment--likely about Marion--and I'll leap animal-like onto their head. The fact of the matter is that I have a very low level of self-restraint, and if one of them makes a snide comment about her, I'll lose every shred of integrity I posses in my meagre body. It's a fact of life that I am not in the least bit proud of. Ask my brother: I don't get pissed often, but when I do, all hell breaks lose on whatever unsuspecting, idiotic sap happened to rub me the wrong way.

Especially considering my relationship with my parents as of late, it really won't take much for them to push me over that thin, waning line. Considering that my mum brought up the topic of "non-traditional love" and made a "linguistic error" by calling it a choice and I freaked out enough to start shaking, I would say the likelihood of unleashing psychokiller!kiri, are relatively high. And that would not be a sunshine and butterflies thing to occur. Because, as much as I hate to admit it, my parents really hold the upper hand in this round. And if they say no, you can't see her ever again, I'm fucked for the next year and a half. They would phone up her da and say that she's never to visit me and they would rig my email so that they could read what was coming in and going out and they would take away any ability I have of contacting her verbally.

And I think that I have enough constitution to deal with that...so long as she stays at school. I can set up another email that they don't find out about and send her long, drawn out, disgustingly romantic letters to her everyday and post them from downtown so they don't see her. But if she came in for a visit and I couldn't be with her...that would be torture. And they would know that because they know me. Well, enough of me to understand that.

If it does come to that, expect me to randomly show up at your houses with a phone card in hand and cruel, hard intent in my eyes. Especially at ungodly hours.

Kiri! >^.^< ~mew....


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