subject: late night thoughts hurt one's head
mood: sleepy
music: billy joel "52nd street"
CPCetc: has a strong desire for pancakes and coffee
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I was awake really late last night. I'd stayed up for "Futurama" then went to bed and re-read a really depressing part of The History of Us. It was actaully the end of a really depressing part, but it was still really sad. Then it ended happy and I felt better. However, I made the mistake of trying to go to sleep then. There's this issue I have where, after reading something really sweet or romantic, I can't sleep because I keep having these visions of random-person-I-happen-to-fancy (whom it is depends on the day or time). And then I can't sleep because I know it'll never happen and that's a somewhat depressing thought.

I steered my thoughts away from that as best I could. Actually, I really wanted to get up and use the privy, but the cat was laying on me and getting up at night makes him wig out and then there's no chance of anyone getting to sleep. But that was only part of it. Anyway, I came up with my Plan. You know, the plan for the rest of my life. Sort of. I'd post it here but, firstly, I don't want anyone objecting to it before I really decide on it and, secondly, there's still a few kinks in it (ie. what happens after education).

But this combined with the whole story I was reading has, once again, made me realise my mortality and insignificance. And then I wonder if death really is the anti-life because death is simply a change; and what is life other than one long series of changes? And no one really knows what happens after we die. What if we just go back to living, simply on a different plane? That's the same as life, really.

I know that we are transient. I know that none of this will matter to someone a hundred years from now. Our lives will be condensed and cut and slipped into the pages of moldy history books. And someday we will be the ones that kids fall asleep reading about when they're supposed to be studying. And maybe we'd all be better off if life was simpler and no one had to go to school or get a job and join the rat race. But we'll never know because humans are inherrently greedy and socialism will never work. Or maybe we should just all learn to live with each other and sit down together, listening to old Billy Joel albums on the dusty phonographs our parents have in storage someplace. Maybe we should start caring about other people, really caring and not just pretending to. Maybe we should give up our fears and just fall in love.


Today's Quote is from that really depressing part of THoU. I really like Merry's last bit of dialogue in here, but I thought I'd give some background dialogue too, for those who don't know what's happening:

..."What?" Pippin frowned. "I'm not a baby, You don't need to rock me to sleep." His eyes filled with tears again. "Do you think I'm a baby, Merry?"

"Pippin Took," Merry answered. "When you are a hundred years old, and a grandfather five times removed, if your heart has been broken and you need to be rocked, I will rock you..."


I think I'll go make some tea. It's going to be too long of a day to do it without.

Kiri